Righting the Ship – Sangha Building – Dharma Talk – September 18, 2019

Righting the Ship – Sangha Building

Sometimes even with our best intentions and our most skillful actions situations arise which affect the entire Sangha in a negative and potentially harmful way.  What I am mostly thinking of in this moment as I write this is about harmful behaviors either from a group of members, single individuals, or leadership including the priest or lay-leader of the Sangha.

There needs to be a way to manage these situations that are skillful, respectful, and wholesome while protecting the entire Sangha and the individuals within the Sangha.  There needs to be a procedure for safely reporting instances of abuse or harmful behaviors and actions.  As the Sangha organizes itself procedures for conflict resolution need to be written into the governing bylaws and regulations.  The method for reporting, the guidlines on how issues will be addressed, what methods for resolution will be used, what models for resolution will be employed, what the procedures for disciplinary will be allowed and who will be responsible for employing those procedures.

There are many models for handling situations of abuse or harmful behaviors within organizations.  There are many models which a Sangha can use for handling conflict within the Sangha.  I would recommend that any Sangha task a committee of interested individuals to explore various models, examining strengths and weaknesses, appropriateness to the Sangha and the teachings of the Buddha, appropriateness to the size of the Sangha, ability to maintain trained or skillful leaders of the model. 

One model which I have taught at my temple over the years is Non Violent Communication, NVC.  This is a relatively easy model to learn, though skillfulness in using the model comes only with practice and the more practice the better one is able to follow the guidelines of NVC. One of the main reasons I so firmly believe in this model is because it is something the entire Sangha can learn together, practice together, and use together and use beyond the Sangha itself.  It is a tool or model that can enable any individual to more skillfully engage in conflict resolution on small personal levels as well as expanded to larger group levels.  The complexity of the conflict is irrelevant to the applicability of NVC. 

NVC can be taught to the entire Sangha by one person who is committed to doing some self-study and practice and willing to be a NVC facilitator to the group.  If the Sangha is large enough and can afford the expense of investing in formal training for one of the Sangha members then by all means I would highly recommend this.  The beauty of NVC is that this is not a necessary requirement to facilitate learning.  The largest single requirement to teaching as a facilitator is the commitment to practice oneself in ones own life.  The way to teach this is to learn it one’s self.  And as with anything the more one practices, the more one helps others learn and practice the greater level of skill one gains in using NVC.  Another reason I employ and teach NVC is that it is perfectly compatible with and supports the principles of the Eightfold Path.  In fact I believe that NVC is the how to guide for practicing the Eightfold Path.

One guideline I would recommend for a first step in managing harmful behaviors by the group would be to form a ‘talking-circle’, or ‘heart-space’.  These are sacred times and places where everyone would enter together as equals who are seeking resolution for a particular problem.  This is not a trial, this is not a judgement, this is a group of dedicated individuals looking to employ the teachings of the Buddha to help everyone grow together. 

Here are ideas that come to my mind based upon serving in various organizations and witnessing various sorts of conflict and the resolution attempts employed.  This is by no means an absolute list.  It is merely a general guideline, perhaps a minimum or something at the very least should be used.  I do believe that the Sangha should always seek to improve these ideas, should always seek to be prepared to provide the best outcome for all the Sangha members so that everyone can feel the Sangha is a safe place.

1. So everyone enters the space together.  As participants arrive they all will gather outside this sacred space, this serves to eliminate any power that might be gained by someone arriving early and ‘holding court’ as others arrive and enter. 
2. The chairs or cushions should be placed in a neutral circle.  The only items allowed are religious items such which can be employed only during the course of the service. 
3. During the actual formal part of the ‘circle’ all hands must be empty, this eliminates the non-verbal symbols of weapons and shields.  Everyone is vulnerable, no one brings harm.
4. The leader of the group is the leader chosen either through the Sangha Bylaws or one previously decided through a group process.
5. Because this is not a trial, or a hearing, or some judicial procedure there is not to be any language that implies judgement.  This process if to resolve a conflict or correct a harmful situation or harmful behavior either to individuals or the group.
6. If the matter involves physical harm, sexual harm, abusive power authority harm then this procedure may not offer sufficient protection to those being harmed.  Especially in the case of abuse of authority, sexual abuse, or physical harm the matter should be referred outside the Sangha.  And especially if there is corruption, larceny, sexual assault, or involves any violation of civil laws the matter should be referred directly and immediately to civil authorities such as police.
   • Matters involving any violation of civil laws, including sexual assault, physical harm, theft especially should be reported immediately without any deliberation or delay by the Sangha.  Let the authorities gather their proof or find there is no evidence.  This is beyond the ability of the Sangha.
   • Those who have been harmed or those who are inclined to feel unsafe must always know that the Sangha will support their safety.  If false accusations occur then the Sangha will have done their best by allowing the authorities to determine the guilt or innocence when it is beyond the skill or jurisdiction of the Sangha Board or members.
7. Setting aside serious matters as above let us focus on conflicts involving non-illegal yet harmful behaviors.  This harm could be of many natures so I won’t name a few for fear of it being implied that what isn’t named isn’t covered.  This is area is better left more general so that the greatest area of conflict can be included.
8. In the Circle everyone is equal. 
9. No one speaks unless they are holding a symbol of “Talking” it could be talking-stick, it could be a book, it could be a set of the temple’s juzu, what ever it is should be decided prior to the gathering.  Again no one speaks unless they are in possession of this talking-symbol.
10. The format for talking should follow this:
    • If the individual speaking is one who has been harmed then they should first speak about good before harm.  No one is all bad, no one is all good.
    • Following the NVC model the first statement might look like this:
      • When you do/did XYZ, I felt good/supported/encouraged/uplifted/so forth, I would like to celebrate that with you, can you do that with me now?  Offer the symbol of talking to the person being spoken to if they wish for it, though it must be returned only to the initiator of this cycle of talking.
    • The next statement can be either another affirmation or the harmful behavior can be addressed and the model might look like this:
      • When you do/did XYZ, I felt/feel afraid/unsafe/discouraged/confused/unwelcome and I would like to feel safe/unafraid/encouraged/clear/welcome can you help me by doing (offer some suggestions not demands which might alleviate your feelings as named, be specific not general, give the person some tools to work with which you are invested in helping them).  The goal here is to connect with each other so be willing to invest your feelings and your needs with suggestions to help the other person and you to connect together.  At this point the talking symbol should be passed only to the person being addressed in this exchange.
    • During these exchanges there must be no interruptions, the cycle should strictly follow the exchanges of first one person addressing whomever then allowing that person to respond, and continuing the exchanges until both parties are satisfied. The pass the talking symbol to another unique individual.
    • There is to be no ganging up, no piling on, these are to be one on one exchanges witnessed in kindness and mutual support by the sacred circle.
11. There are other models as I mentioned, there are heart circles, talking circles, the list is quite large.  This which I have outlined briefly is at best only a minimum guideline.
12. After the process or format which has been previously agreed to has been completed this is the end of perhaps phase one.  This is not a disciplinary hearing this is an opportunity for growth, and correction.  The person or persons being addressed ideally will feel welcome, embraced, loved, cherished and supported.  The time following this will be a time for the entire Sangha to grow together.  I don’t believe it is possible to sit through a group process as outlined above and not be moved.
13. By celebrating the gifts the individual or individuals bring to the Sangha first it requires each person to seek to find truths and affirmations of the Buddha of the other person.  Witnessing these affirmations by the entire Sangha serve to remind everyone of us that we each possess many valuable skills and that each of us are complicated beings of both good and not so good sometimes.
14. The time following the exchange I don’t believe should have a deadline for ending or being concluded.  The time after the exchange is a new time.  If the behavior does not change or the desired outcomes of the various individuals are not achieved then it will be up to those tasked with resolutions by the Board or Bylaws to initiate the second level of resolution.  This should be determined previously during the initial setting up of the Bylaws for handing conflict.  So carefully consider what the various levels of resolution will look like. 
15. My gut feeling, my deepest most foundational feeling is to be generous to everyone as long as no laws are in violation and not physical harm is inflicted upon any member of the Sangha or community at large.  At times it may be necessary to take aggressive immediate action.  I have done that by asking someone who is being disruptive during a Sangha meeting to immediately leave.  I have even been forced to threaten calling the police when someone did not immediately cease their behavior and leave.  Fortunately it did not prove necessary to call the police.  In this instance the individual was an outsider and not a member of the Sangha.
16. Again, my basic nature is to respect everyone and to grant everyone the greatest margin of behavior.  I have have had my reputation questioned, I have had individuals lie about me and insinuate untrue things about me.  In that situation they self-selected their departure from the Sangha, they left on their own taking with them those they had influenced.  Still, while I may not offer them the level of trust I had before the incident I have no personal animosity towards them and would welcome them back into the Sangha gladly.  At the same time I would also offer to engage them in a NVC based conflict resolution activity on a group level because I believe the nature of the issue, done in secret and privately among individuals, needs to be addressed in public.
17. In all of the above the process and procedure needs to be done with the entire Sangha being afforded the opportunity to witness and participate.  These should rarely be done in secret.
18. One further thought about where to look for models would be monastic communities of other faiths, in particular I am thinking of Catholic monasteries who have lived in a spiritual community setting for hundreds of years and have developed over time many wise guidlines for handling issues from a faith based perspective.  One such book I found to be helpful and inspiring is Benedict’s Dharma which includes the monastic code for Benedictine Monasteries.  There is no need for our Sanghas to start from scratch, or to ignore the valuable wisdoms gained by others living in community and striving to manifest spiritual support and growth.

This is a long list, a difficult and important consideration for the future growth and stability of the Sangha.  It is as I have said not a complete list, it is not a thorough set of instructions, is is at best a minimum offering for consideration to begin the process of preparing for the future of any Sangha.

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