Thinking Of Self
There are many ways of thinking of our self. Most of these when broken down are based upon comparisons, and as such are unhealthy. These comparisons represent a form of attachment, which causes suffering.
Self-esteem, whether high or low, is also a type of comparison and based upon attachment.
These concepts are based upon the idea of separate self, a self that exists outside of the here and now and outside of your current self.
The basis for these is pride of being better, pride of being worse, pride of being equal. These conditions are also the basis for anger, jealousy, hatred, and shame.
“Deeply attached to the view that the self exists, they will aggravate their anger.” (Lotus Sutra, Chapter III)
The only way to transform these is through greater insight into no-self.
When I think of this two stories in the Lotus Sutra come to my mind. The first is the story of the Rich Man and His Poor Son, and also the Gem In the Robe.
In the first story the poor son is very ashamed of his condition, he is fearful of the rich man, who it turns out is his father. In his deep shame and fear he is incapable of imagining himself worthy of being in the house of his father or even doing much of the less menial labors. Eventually though he is awakened to that which he always had and becomes aware of his true relationship with the father and his wealth. The son is an example of not being aware of our true nature of enlightenment.
In the example of the gem placed inside the robe the man goes about his life suffering and struggling all the while oblivious to the great wealth he possess within easy reach.
When we dwell on our dissatisfaction with not only the things in our life but also the condition of our being, we create the condition of separateness from our already existing Buddha potential. We need not be attached to either our seemingly poor state, nor to our potential. When we can let go of the need for attachment we create the natural condition of arising.
“Now you have awakened us, saying: ‘what you attained was not true extinction. When you have the unsurpassed wisdom of the Buddha, you will attain true extinction.’” (Lotus Sutra, Chapter VIII)
It isn’t easy to let go of self, even as we aspire to manifest the Buddha within. Being dissatisfied, being unhappy about progress, any of these things cause us more suffering.
Be gentle on yourself. When we cling to tightly we end up causing more suffering. Enjoy the process, enjoy the journey, enjoy your life.
