Friends
“My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.” (Henry Ford)
Yesterday I wrote about goals, setting them and laying out a strategy for achieving them, even if slowly. In yesterday’s piece I mentioned having a friend help you work out how to achieve your goal. I wonder how many of us feel free to approach a friend with such a task? I also wonder if our reluctance is due to sharing our goal or the kind of friends we have?
In Buddhism we sometimes make mention of good friends and bad friends. The definitions for what is a good friend and a bad friend get a little slippery if we approach it from our practice perspective.
“He will be able to have good friends when he reads and recites this sutra.” (Lotus Sutra, Chapter XIV)
Our societal view of a good friend is sometimes reduced to merely a companion or someone who makes us feel good, even if the good may be harmful. When we are young or even as we get older we may feel alone and seek out companions and friendships. These can be good relationships and they can be fun and rewarding.
This is not what we are referring to when we talk about friends in Buddhism. A good friend in Buddhism is someone who causes us to practice or renew our practice. A good Buddhist friend is manifest in your enemy, if you view the relationship as an opportunity to redouble your efforts of practice and study.
The good buddy who is fun to hang around with and goes to the movies with you may actually not be your best choice when it comes to your Buddhist practice, especially if you find it easier to follow and not practice.
A good Buddhist friend is someone or something that greatly influences your practice, whether that person is fun to be with or not.
“Expound it to those who keep away from evil friends, and who approach good friends!” (Lotus Sutra, Chapter III)
Fundamentally though the value of a Buddhist friend, whether good or bad, lies not in them but in you. It is your choice how you respond to the influences of your ‘friend’. It isn’t always easy to turn from a good societal friend and follow your practice. It isn’t easy to turn from the person who gives you grief and make them your best Buddhist friend.
