The guys in the station took us to a lodge, which had not opened for the season yet, woke up the keeper who then prepared a room and bed for us and hot chocolate. The guys at the gas station assured us they would go pick up the car and we could come back in the morning. Well for no charge at the inn and only $25 for the car we found out that the gas line had frozen due to the accumulation of water probably from its time in Hawaii and such things were simply not thought about.
In our years together I did most of the driving all the time, and that was the case as we entered into New York City. I’ll tell you I have never been so afraid in my life. All I could think about was the car dying on us again and being stranded on a NY freeway and then dying because no one would care. We would simply shrivel up, die, and decompose and no one would mind. Then the traffic, I’d never seen any traffic like NY before in my life. Finally as we were about to cross one of the many bridges I freaked out. I had a death grip on the steering wheel, my knuckles were white and my arms were shaking. All of a sudden I burst out in tears crying and screaming in fright. Wayne didn’t know what to think of that, something neither of us had ever done or experienced before. Finally we pulled over and switched driving. I could immediately feel the fear and stress drain from me.
We made it to Rhode Island and spent the winter there. It was my first experience of snow and I became hooked. Now I get to live in a place where it snows a lot, frequently, and reliably. I am so lucky.
The freaking out while it was a manifestation of my stress also impacted my environment and Wayne, my partner. He began to freak out because he didn’t understand what was happening, I didn’t understand what was happening nor why he was reacting the way he was. It was a ball of stretched rubber bands about to explode. Fortunately we managed to unwind it, and the best we came up with at the time was on our eventual trip to Virginia at the end of his brief tour in Rhode Island I would not be driving the leg through New York. It worked out well. I still have this fear of New York.
As important as it is to know when you are depleting or depleted it is equally important to know what it takes to restore and replenish your capacity, your ability, your power. Often times it may not be what you think. For example, generally, watching TV or surfing the internet or spending time on social media are not power regenerative activities. They may be numbing or lulling but rarely do they provide the kind of nourishment our spirits need. There is compelling evidence that they may in fact exacerbate certain stresses, anxiety, insomnia, diminishing human connections and deep conversations.
How well do you really know yourself and how able are you to listen to your whole body, your deep spirit and your deep physicality? As we are surrounded more and more by things that stimulate us from outside ourselves we are frequently loosing the ability to listen to ourselves. Silence is good example. Many people avoid silence as if it were a menace. I’ve heard people say I get restless when it’s silent so to them it means silence is a bad thing because they associate it with their restlessness. The fact of the mater is they are in fact to some degree experiencing a withdrawal from stimulation and their body doesn’t know how to deal with that.
Silence is about the best restorative stimulant available. Some other beneficial restorative, rejuvenating activities are hobbies such as painting, knitting, sewing, gardening, walking, hiking, boating, sitting outside in nature even if only on a patio or deck. It is the things we can do or already do that don’t require us to think, so to speak. They are often repetitive and some might say they are mind numbing.
This may sound counterintuitive for a Buddhist who latches onto only one meaning of mindfulness. Sometimes mindfulness is not thinking about anything at all and just letting the mind wander where it will. Being non-productive can be very restorative. The trick is to move beyond the withdrawal from stimulation, not always easy.
I know someone who spent some time in a care facility where no TV, radio, internet, or cell phones were allowed. After a while they wrote a letter to me saying how peaceful it was in the morning to listen to the birds chirping as they began their day. You see we miss that when we immediately turn on the TV, radio, internet which drowns out the noises of our environment. It’s true some environments are indeed a cacophony of noises not directly related to nature. Yet even sitting with that noise, the horns honking, the tires on pavement, the sirens of emergency vehicles, even the neighbors talking is all part of who we are and where we are. Sitting with it for a few moments before we inundate ourselves with manufactured stimulation can be quite peaceful if you let yourself be at peace.
Your nature may need some adjustment around this and that might be something you realize you’ve not attended to so much in the past.
