Chih-I is quite strict when speaking of diligence and my experience bears out the necessity of taking to heart in all seriousness the advice he offers. When it comes to our diligence in overcoming or living with illness there is no room to slack off. Chih-I says that night and day from sunup to sunset with out rest from the “beginning, middle, and late night to the morning” we should practice diligently. He says your sweat shows the degree of your commitment. If you try to start a fire and quit halfway it will be difficult for you to benefit from heat.
As I have shared previously both in example of my situation with my knee and with the persecutions I faced in the military I chanted without rest in each situation. It is true that as my faith changed my Odaimoku became less of lobbing Odaimoku-grenades and more of an inner determination that my Odaimoku could be peaceful, calm, and self-assured based up the combination of my previous experiences. No matter where your Odaimoku or faith is, do not spend time judging it or trying to make it conform to someone else’s expression of faith. Simply chant abundantly and endlessly until you have come to a peaceful resolution whatever that may look like. Let you and your Odaimoku meld together and be one and in harmony. If you are scared then chant as such until you can be in peace.
Some times when visiting patients, Christians would say to me somewhat in shame that sometimes they are so angry with God. I would often ask them if they would like to yell at God. Occasionally I would get a chuckle, at other times they would indeed yell at God. They usually asked me if I thought it was alright or if God would be angry. I would often respond, well from what many Christians tell me about God, I think s/he can handle it s/he’s a pretty big person. And besides you don’t think s/he doesn’t already know you’re angry do you? S/He knows you’re angry and when you yell you are simply establishing your integrity. You are angry, you are scared, s/he knows that, you aren’t hiding anything by not admitting it for fear of the response, it is known. When you are in harmony both physically and mentally then you can shift your focus on what you need in these moments and let go of thoughts of offending God when s/he knows the offense anyway.
I wrote previously towards the beginning of this writing project about the struggle of living with long term illness or illness that take a long recovery period. Refreshing your memory here I offered the comparison of taking a long journey and the challenges of continued and regular practice. Diligence requires us to not be discouraged that things don’t seem like they are improving, it means that no matter what we can not give up and let Mara defeat us.
Sometimes it is true the best that can be hoped for is a good life under new and more challenging conditions that previously. It is also true that it may be your new reality from here on out. The temptation here is to settle into a half hearted practice founded on resignation to circumstances. This is nothing more than Mara waging his army of discouragement and defeat in the face of seemingly impossible odds.
Over the night when the Buddha was sitting under the tree just before his enlightenment Mara brought his great armies and attacked the Buddha. The impression Mara was trying to create was that it is hopeless, there is no way the Buddha as a single solitary individual could defeat such overwhelming odds. This is the same thing when we are looking at our health and saying it won’t get better so what’s the use?
Here I am now in the elder years of my life, not as old as some who may read this and not as young as most who will read this are. My body is changing, if I say failing that may sound too maudlin, yet it is certainly true. My vision is greatly diminished and will need to have cataract surgery in a few months. My breathing is gradually getting increasingly more difficult. My joint pains are sometimes of late so bad I can not walk for more than a few houses up the block. There are good days and there are worse days.
A friend sent me a text message this morning out of the blue, someone I’d not heard from since I left Charlotte. She was a good friend to me when I was in my chaplain training and one day when I had a bad experience in one of our classes and had a fairly major breakdown she provided me great comfort and encouragement and held me as I not only dealt with the incident but with the compounded shame of falling apart. As I told her this morning when she sent the text, some days are better than others and today is the best because I got an unexpected text from her.
My point in mentioning this is two fold. One is the reality of life and living is that my body will continue to decline, it won’t always be bad but I’ll never be young again and never have the strength, stamina, or recuperative experiences of youth. That’s not bad, it’s the reality. I am not sad, I’m not angry, I’m trying to live in this experience as it is without compounding it by those feelings and others of hopelessness. The end of my life isn’t now, the end of my story hasn’t been written yet. And now is no time to give up, quit, fold my tent and roll my sleeping bag, or slack off in my faith and practice. Now as much as ever is the perfect and prime time to practice. There’s never in my life been such a time as this so there’s lots of uncharted territory and experiences to be had. I’ll take a double scoop with a healthy topping of chocolate Odaimoku.
The other point in bringing up the text message is that it demonstrates even as it reminds me of the importance of checking in on people. Saying hello to friends, even if they are healthy, we don’t discriminate now do we, is so important. Think of it as your Sangha of life. Your community is both nourished by you and nourishes you. Connections are extremely critical to human health and well being.
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One of the major causes of death world wide is isolation. The rise in deaths attributable to isolation has risen dramatically recently across all age groups, all societies, and all populations. Don’t take this as a negative comment about computers but a warning about computer habits and use. As more and more people replace face-to-face human contact with contact through the computer there has been a rise in deaths related to isolation.
Much of computer interactions are based upon responding to some input made by someone else. But when we have so many online contacts and contact points we actually often have more ‘friends’ online than a person would have in real life. And in that quantity of friends there is a tendency for people to drop off unnoticed. Someone simply stops posting or stops connecting and the rest of the contact group continues on barely missing that one person sometimes. In my online interactions I try to keep track of who I’ve seen posting and who I haven’t seen anything from in a while. I’ll send them a note saying I’m checking on them, I noticed their absence and I hope they are doing alright. I’ve had more than one person say it meant so much because of all their contacts no one had proactively reached out to them.
It isn’t that people don’t care, it is that the nature of the contacts is changed. I think because of this change it is important to try to become a bit more proactive in caring for our online contacts. You never know you may save someone’s life by letting them know the someone does care even if they have never met you.
Among people with life changing long term illness and perhaps especially with seniors so much of life changes. Sometimes those changes happen so rapidly there was no chance to prepare. More often that people realize when one spouse who is elderly comes into the hospital for a long stay of only a week, there can be dramatic changes in their home life. Sometimes the previously healthy partner also becomes sick and this really complicates returning to home. As people’s lives change with illness, and this may be your situation, it becomes harder if not impossible to continue doing the things that were meaningful previously.
Not giving up your faith and practice and being diligent in that faith day and night whether you realize it or not is crucial not only from a faith perspective it is also crucial in helping to have a bit of normalcy amidst everything that is not normal. Your body will respond and your mind will respond favorably to the returning to the touchstone of your faith. Staying diligent in your faith and practice also means remaining connected to your Sangha. Here at Myosho-ji that is one of the things I think about with regard to our digital Sangha. It can be joined in by people who may not even be able to get out of there house. Of course it’s not perfect and for people who can’t even use the computer it offers little but it is more than was available to any practitioner 6 years or so ago.
Your life has changed, all life changes, your routines have been altered, your old normal is not your new normal, and bridging all of that can be your faith, your practice, your reciting the sutra and chanting Odaimoku and study of the teaching of the Lotus Sutra. Be diligent. Or as Nichiren says in the Shoho Jisosho “Endeavor! Endeavor!”
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