What do I tell my Christian friends and classmates?
Dear Adrian,
The other day you asked a very important question while you were here at the temple. You actually asked several questions all wrapped up in one giant bugaboo of a difficult problem question. But you know, the question you asked is the same one grown-ups ask and deal with all the time. It is a question so troublesome and one that does not have an easy quick answer, though some may like to try. It is also a question that sadly has lead to many killings, much hatred, and suffering for countless people.
It is sad that religion, the very thing that should make people happy, has lead people in many instances in quite the opposite direction.
It is my hope this letter will in some small way help you answer some of the tough questions such as; what do we tell Christians when asked what we believe? You also wanted to know how to deal with Christians who will not respect your religious views and seem to think they can call you names or tease you. You wanted to know how to deal with someone who tells you that when you die you will forever burn in a lake of fire, pretty scary stuff and not at all funny. Over a series of several letters I would like to address these issues one by one and in some detail that hopefully will not be to difficult for you to remember. I know you have many things to learn at school and you don’t need something that makes it difficult for you to remember.
There are generally two reasons why people ask us about Buddhism. Sometimes people genuinely want to know something about what you believe. They are curious just like you are curious about many things when you visit the temple. Those people are usually very respectful of our beliefs, even if they don’t themselves believe the same way. There are other people though, who ask about Buddhism because they want to then make a judgment about whether or not you are a good person based upon what they believe.
Unfortunately there is nothing we can do about people who feel it necessary to judge us based upon their values. But I will tell you that their personal judgments are just that and nothing more. You should never feel bad just because they say bad things about you and your religion. Some people feel very comfortable trying to make their world conform to their personal views even if it means saying or doing bad things to other people, but this isn’t how we as Buddhists should act. Because someone does it to us does not make it alright for us to do it to them.
So, we should not, I believe, tell Christians they are either good or bad Christians even though they may say bad things about us. This is a very difficult thing to follow, especially when a classmate says bad things about you because you are not Christian. I know it hurts and it is also unfair for them to act that way but for you to act like they do only makes you equally as bad as them.
As a Buddhist we are given the job of trying to live the best example of all the good in all the religions of the world. We are not trying to be better than someone else we are instead trying to live an example of a life that wishes only peace and happiness to all people. Yes we wish peace and happiness even to people who are mean to us. It is not our job to judge another person but to simply live out a life that stays true to our own belief that all people are equal and all people deserve to be equally treated with respect and compassion.
It is not easy to do this. But remember it isn’t easy for a Christian to be a good person either. Just as sometimes you may say bad things, even though later you regret it so too do your friends in school. It is not our place as Buddhists to judge someone else and say they are being a bad Christian.
Being a Buddhist means that we strive to help Christians be good Christians, we want to help Jews be good Jews and Muslims be good Muslims. Even if people don’t want you to be Buddhist we still want them to be as they are. While we do think that everyone would be happier if they followed Buddhist principles we are not compelled by the Buddha to make people change. This is not easy to do, and it requires a great deal of patience and respect for other people. It does not make us better than others; in fact it makes it harder for us. While a Christian only has to be a Christian you as a Buddhist have to be even more. It doesn’t mean you have to believe in what others do, but it does mean you have to take seriously their belief and not judge them either.
Some people at the temple who have dealt with the prejudices of grown up Christians told you some things to say to Christians, quotes from the Bible about how they aren’t supposed to judge others and how they are supposed to be nice and so forth. That really doesn’t help you in the long run because of the simple reason that then you are judging them. And so we are right back where we started from; you judging them and them judging you. That never leads to peace or happiness.
In Buddhism we are primarily concerned with how we act, not with how others act. The Buddha set up for us a teaching called the Eight Fold Path. This teaching guides us in how we should think, how we should act, how we should live in all areas. It is a system of ‘right’ behaviors where right is not contrasted with wrong but where right is what will bring the greatest amount of good to others and ourselves. In this letter I won’t go into each of the Eight Right Things, instead I’ll leave that for you and your Father to study together. Also, in a future letter I’ll talk more about each one in detail. Just remember though, we are talking about how each of us should live our lives and not how we think other people should live theirs.
These issues are quite complex and so let us break them down into little parts. Will that be alright with you? I hope so. If we do it in small parts then this letter won’t be so long and you can think about what I am saying perhaps a little bit easier. Also you might be able to talk to your parents more clearly about what you are feeling, and that is important. You should always try to share your feelings and thoughts with your parents.
Let me close this part of the letter for now and in future letters I cover things in a little bit more detail.
If you have any questions about anything I have said do not hesitate to ask me or ask your parents. We all are really here just to help you. I know you look at grown ups and they are always so busy. Sometimes you may feel that your problems would not be important to older people. But it is my belief that your parents are really doing the things they do just so that you can be happy, safe, and free to develop in a way that will make your future a great one.
With Gassho,
Ryusho
